I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
He kissed a someone with a penis
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
