I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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