Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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