You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Randomize
