This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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