how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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