Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
