i think i recognize dicks better than faces
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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