Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
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Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize