We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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