i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
