I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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