i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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