I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.