Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
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My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
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also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.