i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
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he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
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I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT