Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(740): View more from Ohio

i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.

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(563): View more from Iowa

I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.

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(662): View more from Mississippi

In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"

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23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
Read it at the TFLN blog
(361): View more from Texas

Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.

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(216): View more from Ohio

Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick

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(917): View more from New York City

Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients

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