i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
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Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
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Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients