My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual