Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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