I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
