my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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