She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
