New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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