You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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