summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
