Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
She needs sedatives and a leash
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
