its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
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