I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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