her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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