No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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