I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
She's the barista slut.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
