Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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