i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
