sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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