Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
