im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
