i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Randomize
