So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
