I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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