I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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