u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
