um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
