I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
