Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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