I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
