i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
