yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
