just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
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Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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