Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
