Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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