I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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