I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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