if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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