i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
