Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
