I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
