So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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