I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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