Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
