Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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