if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
