It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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