u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
