she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
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