You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
