The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
drinking out of a sandbucket again
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
