too bad you live with your parents still
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
