dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize