omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
