I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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