YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
