He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.