Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
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