I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
