I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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