i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous