that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
