How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
