and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
