come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
it glows. i had to have it.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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