Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I can tuck mytits in my pants
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
