Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
