I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
