return my video game
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
