Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
