I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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