the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
