i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
