Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
