Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
