I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I think I sprained my soul last night
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
try to milk me bitch
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
